WARNING

so this morning i woke up in a 'fightin' mood... i started a monologue in my head that typically only comes when you're with your circle of girlfriends, have a glass of wine in one hand, someone is pounding the fist on the table with each "point" they're making, you'd think we were yelling but in reality we're just missing the microphone from our soapboxes and if a man could actually translate women yiddish he would be scrambling to write all our wisdom down, as we go around the circle venting about our lives, one by one...

Since men can't translate women yiddish- allow me:
10 reasons why a women should not be pregnant for 10 months...
1. cause 9 months is already entirely to long
2. can't fold your arms across your chest without running into boobs or the babies bum
3. can't go to bed without your hubby reminding you of his upcoming 'abstinence sabbatical' of eunuch proportions
4. cause I'm not the Holiday Inn, Motel 6 or THE SHERATON for that matter- get out!
5. cause 'plug' or 'show'- they don't mean nothin' until the flood gates open...(shoot- the fact that you even have flood gates that could burst at any moment)
6. cause some how you don't believe that 'pregnancy amnesia' will apply to you (and just in case, I'm writing it all down)
7. the looming notion that the baby won't come out until the baseboards in the bathroom have been dusted, living room furniture has been rearranged AND the kitchen cabinets have all been wiped down
8. the first 5 minutes of any phone call is awkward- the person answers in an ecstatic tone, only for it to drop off a cliff when you clarify that, 'no, no baby yet'...
9. your body was not meant to carry a 9 lb. bowling ball in between it's legs
10. because being told that you should have "delivered by now" (now being 3 weeks ago) is cruel!